It seems very common to have a fear of public speaking, but how often do we hear about the fear of public singing? Not as often... and how much harder is it? In my opinion, one million times harder! I actually enjoy public speaking but for some reason public singing is so much harder for me!
As God is my favorite, and music is my fourth favorite, (my second favorite is Scott and my third is my family in case you were wondering) worship music is very much up there in the favorite arena!!! As I was looking for a way to serve at church, my love for music and worship was a very natural way to be involved. However... singing "special music" by myself... not as natural!! When I chose not to sing a song in the senior recital in high school and avoided recitals when possible, a friend once asked me, "Brianne, what good is a gift that God gives you if you hold it back and don't share it with people?" Ouch....
Sometimes I hold back my actions, thoughts, ideas, and convictions because I'm too afraid of what others might think or too worried that things might not turn out as perfectly as I plan them in my head. I try too hard to be perfect in everything that I do and don't allow for mess-ups. I am so loving and forgiving of others' mistakes, but when it comes to my own errors, I am so hard on myself! I am such a planned out and organized person that I often don't take the leaps that I should because I overanalyze all of the negative outcomes. Well, guess what? I'm totally sick of being that way and I quit. I want to live full out for Christ and trust in him with all that I am which includes public singing! I have often let my nerves override letting God use me and I am sick of being afraid.
I sang my third "special" on Sunday morning. As usual, I was completely nervous and anxious about it a few days before. I prayed so hard that I could just trust Him, that he would be my focus for it all, and that he would just work through me and minister to others through the words of the song. I repeated over and over "I can do all things through Him who gives me the strength I need." I got up early on Sunday morning, took a long walk around the block, and focused on finding peace.
Surprisingly, I felt pretty calm the whole morning, and was not as nervous as I have been in the past. While I could feel my heart beating faster than usual, there were not as many butterflies and I could feel his presence with me on stage. It felt great, and I can't wait to do it again.
Here are a few things God is teaching me (while I already knew these things in my head, it is harder to actually write them out and not only TRULY BELIEVE them but LIVE them out):
-I only need to care about what God thinks (when I am in alignment with him, I'm also typically in alignment with Scott and those from whom I typically seek wisdom from).
-Mistakes are totally acceptable and expected. God will use them to teach and humble us!!
-When I listen to Him and follow what he asks me to do (one step at a time), he blesses me tremendously in return and I am so filled with his inner joy that I want to step out in faith and do even more for Him!
-He is faithful and will provide when we place Him as our center.
