We're in the final countdown, and I am in between identities. Very soon I will go from the status of the pregnant lady to full-time mom. And today I am filled with a lot of questions for God. Are we in the final days? Or will it still be a couple more weeks? What a precious time this is. How do I soak it all up? How do I fully embrace this time? Not to mention... how do I even wrap my mind around what is happening? As I sit here and write this, my round belly is sticking out and there are little movements poking out above my belly button. Is it a hand? Is it a foot? An elbow? A knee? What on earth is she doing in there? What does she look like? Does she have Dad's eyes and Mom's hands? Will she want to be held all the time? Will she be more easy-going? What does it feel like to breastfeed?
This week I am focusing on the concept of just "being." I am always moving... busy with full-time work and school... busy with housekeeping, church ministries, bible studies, relationships... but right now I am focused. I sit here with the knowledge that never in my life will I have this time again--a time without work, school, or a child.
And so I sit. I sit and ponder what God has in store for our little family. I feel incredibly blessed to have the honor of taking care of this child, and I do not take one day for granted. This is His child. I fully embrace this responsibility, and will do everything I can to raise this child in the serenity of His arms. Today I am moved by the beauty and wonder of what God has created inside of me. From conception to birth, this was God's plan. I don't know what the future holds, but I am thankful for this day, this time, these past 10 months.
When Scott and I were first married, I was so scared I was going to be "that girl" that got pregnant on her honeymoon. After being married about a year... we started to get asked "the question." You know... the one where people start to casually ask... "So... when do you think you'll have kids?" I gave my society's designated automatic response... "Oh.. you know... a couple of years or so..."
And now here we are... almost to our 4 year anniversary, and the timing couldn't be more perfect and ideal. Although I started bugging Scott around the 2 year mark, God had other plans for us, and He didn't allow Scott to feel settled about starting a family until about a year ago... in HIS timing. I complained and whined and said, "I'm neeeeeeevvvveerrrrr going to have a baby. What if we can't even get pregnant? I'm the only one who doesn't have a baby.... it's not fair!!" One of the things that I love about conception, is that you can't screw it up!! If a woman is blessed with a child, you know it is God's timing. He wouldn't give you something He didn't want for you. In a world full of questions and mysteries when you might ask God for something and never feel He is answering you, having a baby just isn't one of those things. If and when He blesses a woman with the joy of pregnancy, than it's in His will. So when I have all these questions for God like I wrote above... or I wonder how we are going to make it on one income or what motherhood is going to be like, I am at peace knowing that I'm doing something right. That God has chosen this path for me, and that I am to raise this child in Him to the best of my ability.
So as I wait for her arrival, I wait on God, and I rest in knowing that His timing is perfect, and I can't screw it up. :-) I reflect on the past years of my life, and embrace the start of a new chapter. We are starting a little family of 3, and will soon be embracing new roles as mom and dad. And so I end on yet another question..... is this REALLY HAPPENING????
