Mommyhood and Goals for 2012

As I am still charting the new waters of mommyville, I would like to post some reflections on this new path my life has taken.  I want to look back on these early days and remember what it felt like to be a brand new mom.  And for all you new preggos out there that will have a little one soon, maybe you will be interested to know some of what it feels like.  Basically, my life has turned completely upside down, and I wouldn't have it any other way.  I don't know left from right, or up from down, yet every day I am filled with a joy I have never known.  The love I feel is unlike any other, and my life has a new meaning.  When people said that a mother's love is different kind of love, I had trouble understanding what that meant, or how it would feel.  It is so different from a familial love, or a romantic love.  How could I possibly begin to describe the feelings that bubble up inside of me each time she flashes me with that huge grin?  Or the way she looks up at me when she is nursing staring, lovingly into my eyes, an innocence so pure, knowing no sense of time?  When I cuddle her warm little body up against mine, my heart often feels as if it might burst.  This new kind of love knows no limitations.

All the while, the days seem to be speeding up, and the days blurring together.  How do I like being a stay at home mom?  Well, I'm not used to it yet, and I'm confused by it.  I'll describe it physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.  My body is physically more out of shape and more flabby then it's ever been which results in feeling totally out of shape and lethargic.  At the same time, I am so happy and filled with joy, every day feels like the weekend.  My life has a renewed sense of purpose, and I can say without a doubt that I absolutely LOVE my life.  Spiritually, I am starting to feel dry, as all of a sudden I have the attention span of a 2 year old.  Whether that is due to never feeling fully rested, or because any second I get to myself I want to bask in the solitude and do absolutely nothing, I am unsure.  Mentally, I am currently doing okay as I check out books from the library, keep busy with friends and play dates, and my husband keeps me in check.

2012 holds new challenges.  I am posting them here to not only be able to record my new journey, but to help keep myself accountable.  So if you are someone who reads my blog and I see you on a regular basis, feel free to ask me how these things are going!

Goals for 2012

1) Physically, I just started the Weight Watchers for nursing moms plan and am working on getting back to my pre-baby weight by August losing approximately 1 lb per week.

2) Spiritually, I am committing to read the new daily devotional that was given to us by our worship leader at church every day, as well as the corresponding verses that go with it.  I also want to work on praying more throughout the day, and praying with Scott on a daily basis as well.

3) Mentally, school starts back up on January 9th, so I will definitely be challenged with homework and papers all too soon!  I am really looking forward to being back in the classroom though, and the learning and class discussions that help me to expand on my passions and fuel for life.  I have to admit though, I'm pretty nervous about how I am going to balance class, reading, and homework with this new little bundle that takes so much of my time!  However, I am not going to worry about it, because God is always challenging me to trust Him with this stuff, and He has told me that not only can I not worry about it since I haven't even tried it yet, but secondly, I am not allowed to worry about it because that would mean I'm not really trusting Him!! :)  So, my goal is to balance the baby and the school work, and not STRESS, but trust God with all of it.

What are your goals for 2012???  Are you one of those people that doesn't make goals because you're afraid of failing?  No matter where you are in your life, and whether you like new years resolutions or not, I challenge you to make at least one goal for 2012 and either post it in the comments section, on facebook, or tell someone close to you!! :)  That's how we grow right!? :)

My Daughter's Hands

Does the story below make you cry too?  Or am I just a post-partum mess?????  I read this as I sat nursing baby K to sleep.  I often stare at her precious, dimpled little hands in awe and wonder.  I praise God for giving me such a beautiful child, and I pray blessings over her.  This story made me think a little bit more in detail about those tiny hands of hers, and made me want to savor each precious moment I get to rock her to sleep even more.

My Daughter's Hands

by Shannon Lowe - taken from Chicken Soup for the New Mom's Soul

My daughter Miriam had a cold and was having trouble sleeping, so tonight I had the distinct pleasure of rocking her--for a long, long time--to sleep.  We sat there in her dark room, the rocking chair creaking slightly, her slow, even breaths a little raspy from her cold.  Her head was nuzzled into my neck, and her right hand softly gripped the fabric of my shirt on my chest.  

Miriam's hand.  It's a plump little thing, dimpled, smooth, and creamy white.  I've always been fascinated by my children's hands, but tonight as I looked at Miriam's, I was overwhelmed with happiness, and a little sadness, to think of where those hands will travel.  Tonight they're flawless little hands, untested by life's challenges and inexperienced in its joys.  But where will those little hands go tomorrow, and the next day and the next?

One day soon those little hands will let go of mine as she takes her first step.

They'll grasp a pencil as she clumsily but surely learns to write.

They'll grip bicycle handlebars with a mix of joy and horror as her daddy runs behind her holding on, almost ready to let go.

In her teenage years those hands will wipe away many adolescent tears and slam many doors, but maybe, if I play my cards right, they'll still reach out for mine every now and then.

They'll pack her belongings as she leaves home.  And they'll open our front door again as she comes back to visit.  Often, if she knows what's good for her.

How I pray those precious hands spend more time spread open in joy, rather than clenched in anguish.  But wherever they travel, I hope they're often clasped in prayer.  I hope they're helpful hands, and merciful ones, and I hope they always have many, many other hands to grab onto.

They'll wear a diamond from a handsome young man, and they'll loosely hold her father's tuxedoed arm, eager to reach out for her future at the end of the aisle.

Those hands will grasp the bedsheets in pain as she fights to deliver her child, and they'll tremble in joy when she holds him or her for the first time.  They'll feel many little foreheads, apply many Band-Aids, and hold open many books.  And then, one night, she'll rock that baby to sleep, and she'll stare in bittersweet wonder at its little hands.

Happy 2 Months to Baby K!

We are so blessed to have baby K with us this Christmas.  Best Christmas gift ever!  She is a blessing and a joy, and we could not imagine life without her.

Things to remember this month:

Likes

• Dressing her up in ridiculously cute little girly outfits
• Nursing her and gazing into her beautiful blue eyes
• Watching her change daily
• Listening to her learn to make new noises and "baby talk"
• Being greeted with big adorable grins 
• Loving how much she is comforted by me
• Being a mommy
• Cuddling with my little family in bed
• Bath time!

Dislikes

• Feeling tired all the time
• Middle of the night feedings (usually 2 times each night)
• Wishing I was back into my normal clothes
• Poopy diaper blow outs

Here are some photos of Baby K to celebrate December!