"Entrust your loved ones to me; release them into My protective care. They are much safer with Me than in your clinging hands. If you let a loved one become an idol in your heart, you endanger that one-as well as yourself. Remember the extreme measures I used with Abraham and Isaac. I took Isaac to the very point of death to free Abraham from son-worship. Both Abraham and Isaac suffered terribly because of the father's undisciplined emotions. I detest idolatry, even in the form of parental love. When you release loved ones to Me, you are free to cling to my hand. As you entrust others into My care, I am free to shower blessings on them..."
Wow. Would I be willing to take Kaelyn up on a mountain top and sacrifice her if God asked me to? This chapter in Genesis 22 suddenly reads in a whole different way for me! Lately, I have been feeling like God has been challenging me to let go of my need for control and to trust God more wholly and completely with HIS will for my life.
(Kaelyn's baby dedication)
As I have been preparing for the beginning of my counseling internship (that starts Monday!!) as the last part of my graduate program over this next year, I have been so filled with anxiety about leaving K for 15-20 hours a week. Scott is going to work from home one day, and my step mom has offered to take her for another full day, and yet I can't help but be nervous about leaving her in the care of others. Over-controlling much???? I'm leaving her with FAMILY! And yet, I'm still scared to be away. I'm scared to physically miss her, scared I'm going to miss out on something, scared to pursue my passion and dream of being a counselor at the risk of feeling like a bad mom... it's like I feel guilt for doing something for myself. Like if I finish this degree and am not watching her 100% of every minute 100% of every day, I'm not being a good mom or something. Wow. It sounds so weird when I write it out. Glad I did this post so I could get that out of my head and see just how strange my mind works haha.
Anyway, all that to say, I know I'm not a bad mom for pursuing this dream. I know that God has called me to help others in this way. I don't think this is about my concern for her. She is going to be fine! I think it will actually be really good for her to not be smothered by me all the time. This is about me. This is about me letting go of my need for control and to entrust my sweet child into the hands of the Lord. I don't ever want to have my parental love be an idol that I worship. My priorities are first my God, then my husband, then our child. Everything I have been given on this Earth is from my heavenly Father. Who am I to think I am in control? Every Earthly possession I have is a blessing from Him. God has extremely blessed me with a loving husband and precious daughter, but even they are not mine. I don't want to take them for granted one single day. He has gifted me with the privilege of being a wife and mama, but ultimately He is in control. With that knowledge, I can appreciate what He has given me. Today, I will entrust my loved ones to the Lord, and be thankful for all of these abundant blessings.
