The first post I wrote about sex had to do with changing the way we look at sex in the marriage relationship. This post has to do with numerous discussions I've had about sex with married Christian women in the past few years. I'm feeling like there is a disconnect between what God wants for sex in marriage, and what is actually happening in the bedroom.
For whatever reason, it seems to me that many Christian women are having trouble differentiating between what Godly women are supposed to be, and how to be sensuous with their husbands.
I'm reading a book right now called Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus that I would recommend to any Christian bride who is looking for answers about sex from a Godly perspective. I would like to share some of the verses that this book has brought to my attention in regards to how God views sex.
God gave us the gift of sex for the following reasons:
1) To create life
2) For intimate oneness
4) For pleasure
5) As a defense against temptation
6) For comfort
In a little more detail.....
God Gave us Sex so We Can Create Life
God created Adam from the dust of the Earth, and then created Eve from Adam's rib. He could have continued to create man and woman in this same way, but he chose not to. In Genesis 1:28, God makes the command to "be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth." In other words, God could have created the people of this world in a million different ways, but instead, he gave us the gift of sex as a way of creating a child. And I doubt God had to explain to Adam and Eve how to create a child together. Our creative and amazing God crafted our bodies perfectly to fit together in a unique way. I sure wish I could have a cup of coffee with Eve today so she could describe to me her amazement of what her and Adam discovered together!
God Gave us Sex for Intimate Oneness
Genesis 2:24 says that "A man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." This is truly a beautiful thought. Instead of being separate beings, God wants us to be so woven, bonded, and intimately connected with our spouse, that we would be seen by God as one rather than two.
God Gave us Sex for PleasurePleasure is a dimension of sex that God talks about quite a bit. In fact, anyone who has read the Song of Solomon knows that God devoted an entire book of the Bible to sexual pleasure in marriage! Other passages speak about sexual pleasure as well. Proverbs 5:15, 18-19 says, "Drink from your own well, my son--be faithful and true to your wife. ... Let your manhood be a blessing; rejoice in the wife of your youth. Let her charms and tender embrace satisfy you. Let her love alone fill you with delight." There is a beautiful parallel drawn here between quenching thirst by cool, fresh water, and a couple's sexual thirst and desire for one another. From the perspective of
Linda Dillow, this verse is saying to
let a sexual embrace with your husband or wife intoxicate you continually with delight and to fully enjoy the ecstasy of love. Enjoy your spouse. Give to him, receive from him, and delight yourself in the erotic feelings of sexual love. God Gave us Sex as a Defense Against Temptation
Sex can be a powerful weapon used for good or evil. To make sure that it is used for good, God gave us boundaries to prevent us from the harm that sex can cause. Sexual lust is obviously a big problem in our world today. Proverbs 5 warns about sexual lust: "Drink water from your own cistern, and fresh water from your own well" (verse 15). It then references the wife in regards to helping defer against sexual temptation.
18 May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19 A loving doe, a graceful deer—
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be intoxicated with her love.
The following passage also makes it clear that sex in marriage can be used as a deterrent to sexual temptation.
1 Corinthians 7: 2,5
"But because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband... Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again lest Satan tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
God Gave us Sex for Comfort
In 2 Samuel 12:24, after David and Bathsheba's son had died, the Bible says that "David comforted Bathsheba his wife, and went in to her and lay with her. So she bore a son, and he called his name Solomon." Sometimes, the most effective comfort and encouragement we can give to our spouses is loving them sexually. During hard times, we can help our spouses to relax and release unwanted tension. I've heard numerous stories about sex being used for comfort, but one stands out in my mind. I have a friend who went through depression a number of years ago. She was distant from most everyone, and had trouble experiencing the fullness of life. During this time, the best way for the husband to comfort his wife was through sex. In this way, he was able to love her on a different level. Sometimes words aren't enough. Being able to comfort your husband or wife through sex can be one of the most healing and enriching forms of love.
Even if the world has desecrated God's perfect gift of sex, we can still use it for good in a powerful way. God wants us to be naked with our spouse and to not be ashamed. He wants us to embrace what He created in the right way. God desires us to give and receive exquisite pleasure, and to rejoice in the intimate connectedness that sex can bring. So make it a point to love your spouse on a different level. Try viewing sex from God's perspective instead of what the world is telling you. Sex is a gift from God to be enjoyed... so use it in the way that He created it to be; as a way of drawing you closer to your spouse in intimate oneness, for pleasure and comfort, and as a defense against sexual lust and temptation.
