Our Favorite Marriage Secrets

Marriage is something I'm pretty passionate about.  I also believe it is something you have to be intentional about.  Healthy, strong, relationships, take a fair amount of dedication and effort.  Because of this, I believe it is something that we should be talking more about.  How do we strengthen our marriages and develop healthier families?  How can we work together as a community to build each other up and encourage each other to be better spouses?

Scott and I are just two regular people who love each other deeply and care about our relationship, and these are some of the things we've noticed that help us to build upon our foundation.  We have our fair share of "off" days or moments, but there are certain things that we have discovered that help our marriage thrive.  We've noticed that some of these things have been harder to keep up on since Kaelyn has been born, so we want to make sure we are even more attentive to them and are constantly adding to this list so that we can be happily married until we are 105! 

1) Talk about the little things that happen during your day.  It is important to stay connected whether it is through texting, instant messaging, phone calls, or facetime!  Don't ever feel as though the "little things" aren't important enough to share.

2)  Communicate your thoughts and feelings as much as possible.  Don't let anything build up.  Are you feeling stressed?  Tell your spouse.  Ladies... is it that time of the month?  Why not warn him ahead of time if you know you are going to feel moody?  Gentlemen... did you have a particularly stressful day at work or are you just having an off day?  By letting your spouse know where you are coming from and how you are doing that day, he or she can better understand your mood and be more compassionate towards you.

3) Don't ever try to have conversations when one of you are hungry or tired!  Let's be honest... it just never works!

4) Speaking of conversations... do you have a serious conversation that needs to happen?  Set aside time to talk--don't just word vomit at the wrong times.  Schedule a time to go to Starbucks and work it out when you are both feeling relaxed and objective.  Or go out for ice-cream and talk when you are calm and in a good mood.  Don't just air it all in the heat of the moment. 

5) Talk face to face when asking each other to do things or when having a conversation.  Make eye contact.  When being critical of the other or asking someone to change something, this is even more important.  Try to give an affectionate touch while saying something that is hard, and watch your tone and the WAY you are communicating. 

6) Don't underestimate the value of saying "thank you." Build each other up. Give each other compliments.  Are your negative interactions more than your positive ones?  Make sure that your positive interactions are more abundant. 

7) Remember, the two of you are on the same team!  When approaching an issue you disagree on, remember that you are both working together towards a goal.  He or she is not the enemy.

8) When you disagree, why not compromise?  How strongly do each of you feel about the issue?  Again, you're a team.  So approach it as working together, instead of fighting from opposite sides of the fence.  Rate the issue on a scale of 1-10.  Maybe whoever feels more strongly about the matter will get their way for that particular instance.

9) Learn your spouses' love language and try to love them in the way that he or she feels love.  Does he feel most loved when you give him back massages or write him a love note?  Does she cry every time you get her flowers?  Or she the type of girl that swoons when you do the dishes and mop the floors?  Become an expert in your mate and keep your love renewed by serving your spouse.  If you are both working to serve each other, it will make for a much better connection on a day to day basis!

10) Carve out time to talk. It is too easy to turn on the TV or get distracted by your phones, kids, or crazy schedules.  Make time EVERY day to connect, and make time for date nights.

11) Hug and kiss when you leave each other and again when you return.  It's a simple gesture, but a way to stay connected.

12) When you have some time alone together, take some time to assess how your marriage is doing on the following levels: emotionally, socially, sexually, intellectually, and recreationally.  Emotionally: Do you feel that you are able to be open with each other?  Do you feel supported?  Understood?  Socially: Do you have friends in common?  Do you have the same social network?  Sexually: Do you feel physically close to your partner?  Are you on the same page with how frequently you are intimate?  Intellectually: How are your conversations?  Can you shoot the breeze about work, life, and current events?  Recreationally: What do you do for fun together?  How can you have more fun together?  Do you have similar sports, hobbies, or passions? 

Which of the above areas are you great at?  Which areas do you need help with?

If you have a blog, I would love to hear what your favorite marriage secrets are!  What do you guys do that helps you stay connected?  What works?  What doesn't?  Let's be intentional about loving our spouses and creating stronger marriages in our communities!