SEX!

Yes... it's true. I'm writing about one of my favorite subjects ever, S-E-X. Don't worry, Scott. I'll try to keep the personal examples at bay.  And just so you all don't think I'm disrespectful to my husband, he did okay this before I posted it. ;-)  I also would like to add that I am writing about sex in regards to a married relationship between a man and a woman from a Christian perspective, and not to read any further if talking openly about sex offends you. 

The reason I am writing this is two-fold:

#1) I am realizing more and more the importance of sex in the marriage relationship.

AND

#2) I think that many could benefit by changing their viewpoints on this topic.

Having sex with your spouse is one of the best things you can do for your relationship, as sex can increase your intimacy in a way that nothing else can. I would also be as bold to say that the absence of sex or an unhealthy sexual relationship with your spouse will cause your intimacy levels to plummet drastically.

It doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out that if couples are frequently arguing or not getting along, it is going to affect the sexual relationship, which is going to push the couple even further apart. Likewise, I would also argue that a marriage relationship is drastically improved by having more better quality sex. Does this mean that great sex is all that a married couple needs to have a great relationship? Absolutely, not. However,  I would definitely argue that a satisfactory sexual relationship is a huge component in a happy and satisfying marriage.

So how do you have more, better sex? The way we think about sex has to do with a lot of things: our family backgrounds, the way we were raised, our culture, positive/negative personal experiences, etc. Regardless of an individual's background, there is a unifying theme. We are all sexual beings who have an innate desire to love and be loved. No matter what your background or hormone levels are, God designed sex as a gift within marriage as He knows that used in the right ways, it can create indestructible bonds between a man and a wife. We have been given a powerful tool, and we should take full advantage.

The way you think about sex has a huge impact on your relationship. Try viewing it as more of a "necessity" in your marriage just like taking the time to go on dates and have fun together as opposed to something you just "do" when the mood strikes (which for some could be not very often!)  Now, I'm not saying that if you're super full from dinner and have an intense migraine that you should just snap out of it. What I am saying, is that maybe sometimes you could give a little for the sake of bonding and intimacy, even if you don't initially feel like it.  Every married couple could benefit from having more good quality sex. Quality and quantity.

One last thing. God is a crazy genius who designed men and women very differently on purpose and in order to have more good quality sex, there are a couple of things to keep in mind. Now I'm speaking in generalities here, but:

MEN:
A large majority of men can shut off their brains and have sex with their wife anytime without giving it much thought. They just need it, want it, and there's not a lot more to it then that. Men feel more intimate and loving towards their spouse when they are fulfilled sexually.

WOMEN:
A little more complicated. Women need to feel loved and intimate with their spouse before even wanting to have sex. They need to have their heart and soul touched and want to feel connected to their husbands before even wanting to go there.

Do you see the complexity in this? How perfectly men and women fit together in God's design when it's done right? This causes men to have to be more loving and affectionate towards their wives in order to allow their wives to let go emotionally, which lets them connect sexually, which makes men feel more invigorated and fulfilled, which allows husbands and wives to be lovingly connected and intimate in an amazing way. You can also see how easily this spiral could go horribly wrong.

Now how does that affect you?  If you are a man, it means romancing your wife more.  It means buying her that $10 rose bouquet even if you think it's a waste of money.  It means telling her how beautiful she is, or how much you love her even if you think she already knows.  If you are a woman, it means being open to your husband and respecting him for who he is as a man.  It means making him feel like a man in any way you can and doing your best to appreciate him.  It means thanking him for everything he does - big things and small things.  It means making him feel that he is the king of your universe.  In treating your spouse in some of these healthy loving ways and doing the best you can to truly LOVE them, you will be more likely to experience the pattern as referenced above leading to higher quality sex more often.

No matter what your viewpoints are on this topic, there's one thing that I'm sure about: we don't talk about sex enough in a healthy way.  Satan uses it as a weapon to tear marriages apart.  Let's use it as a weapon to strengthen our marriages instead.  If you are struggling in this area, don't take it lightly.  Go see a marriage counselor or sex therapist.  At the every least, don't be afraid to be open about your issues and talk to a trusted friend or buy some Christian reading material on increasing your sexual intimacy.  Bottom line:  Sex is a big deal.  So let's be real about it.