Peace, Patience, Acceptance, and Surrender

Sometimes it's a little scary to put yourself out there on the internet for all to see how you really feel inside.  But if there's anything I've learned about writing and blogging, it's that it is extremely helpful to not only be able to articulate what I'm really thinking, but to do it in a genuine, sincere, and honest way.  Through doing that, not only do I feel better as I use this blog as a journal of sorts... but I am always so rewarded to find that God brings others into my life that can relate... others that feel the same way... or have been there at one point in time.  So yeah, I might word vomit on the world wide web from time to time, but it helps me clear my head, and hopefully you won't think I'm too strange and will still want to be friends if you know me in real life. :-)

With that long introduction, here is what I've been thinking about this past weekend.

I will admit to you, friends, that at times I strive for perfectionism instead of "good enough."  And at times, I don't think that my best is ever "good enough."  For small mistakes, I can be incredibly hard on myself!  Thus, the nature of perfectionism.  I used to think there was nothing wrong with this... I was just... always trying my best.  How could that be wrong, right?  Well, it's wrong, because perfection only exists in our minds!  It's just not healthy!  And now I'm starting to take out my perfectionism on my sweet baby girl.

My little girl is her own unique being, and I just can't control certain things about her no matter how hard I try! God is continuously calling me to let go.  My little spunky gal has a world of personality, and she is going to do what she's going to do in her own time!  It's not about me.

For example...

-She is not always going to sleep when and where I want her to - and it's not about me.
-She may cry and I won't always know why - and it's not about me.
-She may grunt and scream in the middle of Target - and it's not about me.


Her personality doesn't reflect on my parenting!  If she goes A-wall on me, or decides to wake up every 2-4 hours at night... it's not about me.  I've tried everything!  Now it's just about learning to be at peace, along with patience, acceptance, and surrender.

Being a parent is about learning how to be flexible, not stressing when things don't work out as planned, and learning how to love unconditionally.

But instead of thinking like this, sometimes I feel like Satan is whispering in my ear and saying things like...

"If you were just a better parent and knew what you were doing... Kaelyn would (insert desired behavior here)......."


LIES!!!

Regardless of how many books I read, or how many people I ask for advice, Ms. K doesn't fit the mold of what any other baby that I know.  Nor will she ever.

God is continuously smiling and looking down on me... and reminding me that He is just teaching me more about peace, patience, acceptance, and surrender.  Maybe one day I'll get it. :-)