What it Means to be a Father Part 2: A Husband First

First comes love, then comes marriage...

If you haven't read Part One of this blog, then go back and do that first, for this is just part two of my attempt to summarize fatherhood thus far. A discussion on what it means to be a father would be incomplete without a prerequisite discussion on what it means to be a husband. That is obviously not to say that all fathers are husbands, although it would probably be better if it were so (children need stability)... but instead simply that what a man learns about life as a husband is directly applicable to fatherhood. A good husband will almost assuredly be a good father.

So what does it mean to be a good husband? What is a husband's "job" so to speak? Well that's a larger undertaking than I care to tackle, and something that would require much more than a four part blog. But how does a man excel or fail at this calling?

To even begin to answer that, we have to go back to the beginning... the very beginning. To the first husband and his story in Genesis 2:20-24...

²⁰ The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. ²¹ So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. ²² And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. ²³ Then the man said,

“This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.”

²⁴ Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

That last verse is the one I want to key in on, as I think this is where my core understanding of what it means to be a husband begins. What does it mean that the two of them shall become "one flesh?" Sometimes understanding what something means can best be ascertained by looking at what it does not mean... It does not mean that I cease being myself. I am still an individual, with individual likes, dislikes, desires, aspirations, and hobbies. I bet my wife could probably tell you that there are times she wishes I would cease being myself and being more like her. And I would just as readily admit that since marrying her, I have changed in certain areas because of her influence (and all for the positive). But for the most part, she's stuck with who I am.

Becoming one flesh with my wife does not mean I cease being myself, but it does mean I cease being MY OWN. Now another person shares my life with me. I'm not a bachelor anymore. What I do or don't do, say or don't say, and all those likes, dislikes, desires, aspirations, and hobbies that in part define who I am... those must now be viewed in light of another person. My life now is intertwined with another. The Hebrew word in Genesis actually depicts two things being glued together. A husband does not live his life in a vacuum. His actions have weight, impact, and meaning far beyond when he was single. Husband and wife are inextricably connected; they have become one.

But even though I don't automatically cease being myself, there is a clear call in the Bible to still voluntarily give myself up. This is found in the apostle Paul's epistle to the Ephesians, chapter 5, verse 25:

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

The model for husbands is Jesus Christ himself, with the Church as his bride. And as the Church's groom, Jesus came as a humble servant, dedicated to loving his bride at all costs, gently leading and teaching her, willing to pay any price for her well-being, and ultimately doing so by laying down his own life for her with his tragic death on the cross. That is our model. That is the mold that has been cast. Jesus set a high bar, and even though I will probably never be called to walk such a dramatic path of sacrifice for my wife, that is the level of love that I need to bestow upon her. This is the love of a husband. This is the act of giving oneself for another. This is what it means to be a husband.

But what does that have to do with being a father? Well, I'll tell you...

In Part 3.