What it Means to be a Father Part 3: Time Well Spent

Well, if you've made it this far, I'm assuming you've already read Part 1 and Part 2 of my "What it Means to be a Father" treatise.  If you haven't read them, go back and read them first.  Don't worry, I'll wait.

Now before I really get into it, let me quickly dispel a lie that some parents buy into...  Your child is not the most important relationship you have with another human being on this earth.  That title still belongs to your spouse.  When your baby becomes the center of your universe, you've made an egregious error in prioritizing your relationships.  I love my baby so much, but my wife still comes first.  Some day, after Kaelyn learns to drive (Lord help me) and goes out into the world on her own, she'll meet a boy (dear sweet Lord, help me!) that she'll fall in love with, and she will start her own family.  And when she doesn't need me anymore, my wife will still be there... and I intend that we should not be strangers on that day...

So in Part 2, I examined the core lesson I've learned from nearly 5 years of being a husband: the concept of two becoming one, and the deliberate, selfless act of giving yourself up for your wife.  The bonus to this is that if you do it right and take care of your wife, you empower her to be the best mom she can be too.  Win, win!  But the goal here is to talk about what it means to be a father, so what gives?  Let's be honest, you've probably already figured it out.

Being a father gives you another person to give yourself up for!  I could easily argue that my baby actually needs me even more than my wife does, so I'm required to be even more selfless for Kaelyn's sake.  My wife could do pretty well on her own if I was a bum husband, but if I neglect my duties as a father, my baby won't fare so well.  I've heard it said that compared to offspring in the animal kingdom, human babies are born far less capable of self care than almost any other species.  The truth is, they could use another 9 months in the womb!  (Imagine that ladies... YIKES!)

Babies have a ton of needs and lack the capacity to meet those needs on their own.  And as a father, her needs always come before mine.  If we're both hungry, guess who gets to eat first?  If we're both tired, guess who gets to rest first?  If we both have soiled diapers... wait... Scratch that one.  You get the idea!  And some of the primary needs of a baby are social interaction, attention, affection, and pretty much constant supervision.

As I'm sure you can guess, that kind of commitment takes up a lot of time!  But that's what you signed up for.  When you get home after a long day at work and want to relax, your job isn't over yet; you just clocked in to your real job as a father.  If your kids are still awake, they need you there.  Children need an actively engaged and present father.  Whether it's wrestling with the boys, having a tea party with the girls, or just affirming your kids of how loved they are by you and by God, they need this.

A father can't afford to check out once he gets home.  Will there be times after a particularly tough day at work that you just need to have some alone time to depressurize?  Sure!  When I get home from work, my wife knows that I at the very least like to be allowed the time to change out of my work clothes and get comfortable before diving in.  But it's a fatal line of thinking that when you get home, you've already done your work for the day.  This is even more devastating if your wife is a stay at home mom, because she's been at work all day too, and what makes you think you deserve to relax any more than she does?

Laying it all out like that seems like being a father is all work and no fun.  That's not what I'm saying.  I'm merely saying that a father's responsibilities don't stop at being a breadwinner.  I don't view this responsibility to invest time into my daughter's life as a burden.  Not hardly!  When I've been gone all day, I LOVE to get to spend time with her when I get home!  I love talking to her and kissing her and reading to her and playing with her and bathing her and soaking up those precious few hours I have after I get home before she goes to bed.  There are times when I'm tired when I get home, and every night by the time my head hits the pillow, I'm wiped out, but that fatigue comes with knowing that I'm doing all that I can to be a good father to my daughter...

I know that I'm investing in her and loving her how she needs.  Because when she grows up, she will gauge her view of other men through the lens of what I showed her a man is like... and her knowledge of God as her heavenly Father should not be hindered by her earthly father.  This is no small consequence.  Doing this right takes a lot of time.  But there is no doubt in my mind that it is time well spent.

Coming up in Part 4, I will complete my thoughts regarding a father's role in the family...